I will be 29 on the 25th of this month. And a lot has been circling emotionally. Some good, some not so good, but all greeted with gratitude. These days I am most thankful for my husband and his unyielding support as my closest and dearest friend. We need people in our lives that get us. That lift us up. That keep it real. That make us laugh. That love us with their whole heart and soul, so hard, that we can feel it kissing our bones. The longer we stand in this life together, the more I can feel Ryan's love etched into the cracks of my broken parts. The parts I am still working on loving as I explore self-awareness and self-understanding. I've never been loved like this before, I've never felt love like this before, by someone else. Romantically, familially, or platonically.
Meeting when I was 23, and looking at how far we have come over the past 5 years, I have learned so much more about myself as a woman + partner. Being married for the past 2 years has opened my mind to new things. Like shifting how I love and being truthful about how conditional that love can be. Unconditional, love, no matter how much you care for a person, is hard. It's vulnerable. It's constant learning and unlearning-especially if healthy love is new for you. It was for me. Love is constantly teaching me; I am a student.
As I approach 29, my intention for the next year is to explore the vulnerability of loving in a way that is unconditional, unselfish, and unrestrictive. Doing life with Ryan reminds me that love, respect, freedom, friendship, and forgiveness live in the same house. And choosing to bloom and grow, in the thick of our storms is a part of our commitment to one another. The journey through love isn't linear, it's not always steady, but it's still teaching us to come back to ourselves. And to see others how we want to be seen. To love others how we want to be loved. No one told either of us life partnership was like this, that it wasn't linear, and that doing life with someone, doing love with someone was indeed a choice.
I am so proud of us. I am proud of myself for letting someone else love me just as much as I am continually learning to love myself.