I wrote this earlier in the week and shared it on Instagram, but figured it would be good to share it here as well. Enjoy.
So a few things: Ila fought her nap for 2 hours today. She found her hands and eats them relentlessly. She also found her voice and laugh and it’s hella cute. I am 12 weeks postpartum (HOW?!) and a lot of stuff has come to the surface. Let me share.
I have been meditating for 14 consecutive days and sleeping w/ my phone on airplane mode every night—not checking it until after 8 am. I feel a shift happening + I like it. Little changes can have significant impacts on your lives when we do the work. I’ve also started seeing a spiritual teacher who has been reading my entire life for the past two weeks. She’s been helping me bring a lot to the surface, and I am beyond grateful for her teachings. Something that came up the other day after our session is this, I am continually learning that everyone is not like me. Everyone doesn’t move through the world as I do. Everyone doesn’t care like I do. Everyone won’t show up for me like I do for them—more times than not, they don’t know/see/understand how. Or, maybe, they’re too wrapped up in their lives to lean into mine. Sometimes recognizing that truth stings. As someone who is a giver, it’s interesting for me to learn (time and time again) that reciprocity isn’t always offered—even if I think it should be.
The lesson: If I am giving, pouring, loving, showing up, lending, etc. I must also accept that I may not get it back. I’m navigating those waters daily. I am learning to be OK with what I am given AND what I am not. There are times in life where we have to extend ourselves and not get anything back in return. Sometimes we have to let others need us, despite us needing someone, too.
While exploring this world of give and take, I am shifting. I am learning. I am setting boundaries. I am stepping back. I am pouring into me now. Because, in reality, if I don’t who will?