it's late + i have been working nonstop since getting back from spring break vacay with my family. we had a lovely time! the weather is california was perfect, as per usual. it was hard to leave but the journey was quite amazing. char did great on the flights and she had a blast exploring her new found surroundings. i was happy to arrive back in the DMV and find that spring had finally decided to show her pretty face! after our long travel time home we were met with a beautiful reward, FLOWERS! all. over. yay!
getting readjusted last week was pretty hectic but yesterday night everything slowed down for me. i hosted my first 'new moon sister circle' alongside ebone of 'good thoughts tea company,' and it was so needed. coming together and celebrating another rebirth of the moon, with likeminded women, was a breath of fresh air. we meditated, exchanged stories + worked on our healing process in a group setting. the entire experience was essential to my need for calm and reset. to my need for acceptance and forgiveness. i left with clarity yesterday. being around that group of women reminded me: we all share the same struggles in one way or another. we all feel. we all mourn. we all heal. yes, the journeying will be slightly different, maybe even vastly, but hurting + healing isn't exclusive to just one heart... but to many.
some things from my past were brought up in thought during our meditation. things that were no longer serving me or helping me more forward. things that really needed to be let go. during one of our writing exercises we practiced 'release + replace,' which was essentially us letting go of the bad and inviting in the good. i needed that. there was a time where i thought letting go meant that i was losing. not only the connection to whatever (or whoever) was being sent away but the love. loving from a distance was foreign to me. there was a point in my life where i didn't want to lose the love + if i was letting go, that meant love was also drifting away. detaching from people and things was painful for such a long time. it was never a healthy let go. the process was always something extra and extremely disruptive. there was constant animosity or a sense of deep loss. i felt as though i was missing out or that i owed myself to 'the nouns' in my life; but not all people, places or things belong with us forever. and we are not losing. we do not have to love anyone, anything or any place less, just because it no longer fits in our life's puzzle. sometimes our pieces need to be changed, rotated or put to the side until we find their places. there will be some instances were we never find the right place or finish that particular puzzle; it happens and it's ok.
for me, understanding that letting go does not have to always mean loving less, is something that i learn daily. we outgrow things and that is a part of life. if we are not growing and evolving, we are not truly living our best life. we are not being our best self. yes, i know; it can be heart breaking to transition out of a certain life stage. it's scary when you feel like you are losing something or someone that you once held near and dear to your heart. however, we cannot always journey with what + who makes us feel comfortable. comfort can sometimes leave us confined.
yesterday's sister circle reminded me of the growth i have experienced + the journey i am on. along with the importance of evolving and carefully letting go of things that leave me feeling out of sorts or stuck. just because we let go, doesn't mean we stop loving. and just because things didn't go as planned, that doesn't mean we have lost.